Permanency Planning

December 15^th! Really, it’s been that long since a blog entry? Wow… Needless to say there’s been a lot of life and happenings these past three months. Here’s a quick update:

• Little guy had his first Christmas. It was amazing!
• Little guy turned one. It was an epic Mickey Mouse party and a blast!
• We’ve been on the roller coaster of house hunting. Third time’s a charm and have found an amazing home where we can see our little guy and future children love and grow.
• Lots of sickness, parenting exhaustion, and unique life happenings.
• Lots of joy and firsts. Our little guy is getting SO big. Running everywhere, exploring, talking, singing, and dancing.
• An amazing Refresh conference at Overlake with other foster and adoptive parents.

This week in particular is a big week as we come up on our little guy’s Permanency Planning hearing. We know it is just one step in many to come that will determine our little guy’s forever home. So many emotions… It is so easy to cower with fear of the possibilities. Fear for now, fear for the future. Today we were struck again with these lyrics “Where my courage ends, let my heart find strength in your presence.” (Glorious Ruins) Courage. Yes, it takes loads of courage; courage that must be renewed daily in God’s presence.

A year ago, when we took that first step on to the waters; when we said “take me deeper than my feet would ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior” (Oceans), did we have any idea how true those lyrics would be? Since day one it has been our anthem. It inspired this blog. It literally was the reason we said yes when we got that first call about our little guy and his story. This very idea of walking upon the stormy waters is so real in the upheaval of court dates, visits, case dynamics, and waves of fear and doubt. Our feet have wandered deeper than we ever would have thought in our natural desire for the “cozy life” (1 Peter 2:11, MSG).

We are smitten. Completely and utterly in love with this precious child. We so desperately want to hold tightly as he knows us as mama and dada and he is our son. Yet, God could be doing something bigger. This past year we have learned so much about God’s heart. An unconditional love that loves all. Now the “all” have a face. They have a name. Yes, so much of us wants to hear something happens that locks it down so we can keep him forever. But we’re reminded that God desires we seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly (Micah 6:8). This favorite verse of ours is so perfectly unpacked in the words of this foster parent’s blog: “When I pray for justice and mercy, I pray it for not only our foster children, but for their parents as well. I long to see justice for the oppressed and sometimes “the oppressed” are as much the parents as the children. Parents who were themselves the victims of abuse, neglect, poverty, rape, domestic violence, etc. I want to do justly by being a vehicle for justice and love for the innocent child. I want to LOVE mercy and not just begrudgingly offer it when I think someone has earned it. When I’m tempted to compare myself to the parents of the child, I need to remember to walk humbly with my God— a God who loved me when I was entirely unloveable and was in rebellion against him.” (http://www.amusingmaralee.com/2014/02/praying-for-your-foster-childs-family/).

These deeper waters God has led us to are truly deeper than we imagined. Our perspectives are constantly changing as we are taken further up and further in to the heart of the Father. We don’t know how far we’ll be called to wander out with our little guy. What we do know is that these steps have blessed us not only with the most beautiful boy, but our faith is unspeakably stronger.